It was sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas, about 10 years ago, that it occurred to me that I needed some sort of multi-purpose tool that I could take with me everywhere — so I asked my Dad for a Leatherman.
This was right around the time of the big Leatherman boom, when everybody and their grandma started sporting a Micra on their keychain, or a Wave on their belt. Leathermen were cool. Imagine my surprise when on Christmas morn I found this…this…Sheffield in my stocking. I was depressed. This was no sleek, aerodynamic, ergonomic, multi-use machine that I had opened up; but a clunky, red, heavy, and squarish lard-ass of an all-in-one tool kit.
Since then, The Sheffield has changed my life, and more importantly, my opinion of lard-asses in general. It has never failed me. It has opened hundreds of beers without a complaint, made scrap-metal of countless tuna-cans, and spent 36 hours completely immersed in Goobers (peanut butter + jelly + a single jar = one fantastic idea) without suffering in the slightest.
It has been dropped out of a moving vehicle at 55 mph, soaked in camping fuel and set ablaze, and retrieved a magical golden ring from a pool of hot liquid magma. It has built dry-ice bombs, Pringles-can roman candles; it’s been the primary surgical device used in countless emergency procedures (that bone-saw comes in real handy sometimes), and if you built a ladder from all the cheese it has sliced, you could paint a real tall house. It cuts flesh like butter (beef, venison, poultry, etc.) and the pliers substitute perfectly well for a fork when dinnertime comes, but best of all: it has never, ever been cleaned. The important thing is that it still functions like the day I opened it up, except for the smell.
The Sheffield Outdoorsman #12007’s key features:
– 1/4” Slotted Screwdriver
– Needle Nose Pliers
– 1/8” Slotted Screwdriver
– Regular Pliers
– 1/16” Slotted Screwdriver
– Razor Sharp Knife
– #2 Phillips Screwdriver
– Bone Saw
– Wood Saw
– Bottle and Can Opener
– Wire Cutters
– Hard Wire Cutters
– Wire Stripper
– $14.00 price tag compared to the $87.00 Leatherman Wave
– Godlike Aura
1. The Sheffield has never actually been near magma, nor do magical rings actually exist.
2. Cheese is not a load-bearing material, and is therefore unsuitable for ladder construction.
3. The Sheffield has been cleaned several times.
4. Leatherman Wave comes with lanyard feature, in addition to those found on The Sheffield.